Sex and Monkeys
The issue of sex in the world is a problem that has been present since the Fall in Genesis. In our current cultural context, the Church struggles with its response to homosexuals, the LGBT community, abortion, and any number of sexual sins. In his book, Into the Light: Healing Sexuality in Today’s Church, Mark Ongley (2016) does a wonderful job addressing the possibilities of the church to apply both truth and love to those who struggle with sexual sins.
He begins early by leveling the playing field. So many Christians and Churches have repeated the arguments against homosexuality, transgenders, and abortion that we very well may have closed our doors to those who need the healing power of Christ the most. It is in our war against these hot topics that we bypass the many other sexual issues like incest, abuse, pedophilia, and pornography. Dr. Ongley reminds us we’ve done so much “squabbling over the Scapegoat issues of homosexuality,” that we’ve been “ignoring or enabling the Elephant of sexual idolatry” (p. 239). Is practicing homosexuality sinful? Yes, but there is a bigger issue at hand: humanity has hijacked God’s incredible gift of sex and has created an idol out of it.
There are a few key ideas that Dr. Ongley develops to help dig the well of compassion among his readers. The first is a change in the way one views Christianity. Many of us have this idea of what a typical “Christian” looks like, acts like, talks like, and dresses like. For us, and Dr. Ongley, this is the Box. In order for us to believe people are part of the Kingdom of God, we judge that they must be in the Box. That usually means any mention of sexual sin puts someone far outside of the Box. Dr. Ongley challenges his reader to, instead, imagine one’s relationship with Christ as a Path instead of a Box. This second key idea reveals that each person is walking their own path to Christ and along that path, each person has his or her own struggles, set backs, and victories.
Important to this concept is the truth of the matter that: “all God’s children got monkeys” (p. 107). Dr. Ongley affirms that, “Your monkey might be alcoholism or workaholism. It might be a sexual addiction or an inappropriate use of anger. Maybe the monkey is a high need for approval that makes you stumble all over yourself to make a certain person happy. The fact of the matter is that God is at work in all of us no mater how far down the Path you may be. God is still perfecting you” (p. 107-108). The application of this point is this: all of us sin and fall short of God’s grace, and as the Church, we have a chance to come alongside and comfort those traveling the Path to Christ instead of getting hung up on the monkey on their back. Now don’t be confused, Dr. Ongley comes down hard on the sinfulness of sexual idolatry, no matter it’s fancy. However, he is wise to know that truth without love doesn’t help the church and the ministry of grace. He affirms time, balance, trust, and love all go hand-in-hand with bringing people to the Path and allowing the Holy Spirit to do his work.
Dr. Ongley’s heart is geared specifically to those who struggle with sexual sin but the insights of his book are worthwhile for any church and ministry. He reflects on his ultimate purpose for this book and his ministry when he concludes, “May it be that in the years ahead, people will see the church not as a hypocritical curmudgeon condemning gays and lesbians, but as a place to find healing for all forms of sexual brokenness and to access much grace to walk the painful path of obedience” (p. 206). Each of us are on a Path and each of us struggle with sin specific to us. Yet, each of us has the opportunity to surround others in love and encouragement as they travel down their individual Paths as well. It is with this in mind that the Church may slowly become a place where the majority of sexual idolaters find healing instead of shame.
Here is a link to his "7 Minute Seminary Talk" where he discusses his book and some of these key ideas.