It's Hard to Love

I used to know a youth group volunteer who would warn us troublesome teens, “I don’t get mad…I get even!” This was usually warranted moments after getting pranked by high school kids. I remember hearing it the first time and being scared of what the volunteer might think to do. Now it is one thing to say this to an immature teenager but a completely different thing to let it be your unwritten rule for life. There is a good chance many of us might preach the Golden Rule: “love your neighbor as yourself,” but actually put into practice the line of my youth volunteer: “I get even!” When it comes to decision-making and responding and reacting to others, we all might pass this passage of inspiration, to treat others how you might want to be treated, on to others. However, I also think if we were to be honest with our thoughts and hearts when it came to the way we live out our own lives, the passage would read more like, “I’ll treat others with love IF they treat me with love.” It is basically saying the same thing, right? No; it’s way different! There is a great deal wrong with our perceived interpretation of Christ’s original teaching.

First, the initiating act is out of turn. In our interpretation of the passage, others have to love us first in order to receive our love. In other words, they have to show that they deserve our love and kindness. To be honest, I’m glad God doesn’t think or work that way because I know there is no way I deserve any of his love. This faulty way of thinking starts with someone else acting towards us and results with our reaction to them. Jesus, however, taught that our act of love should be initial and not consequential to how others might treat us. Start with compassion and gentleness regardless of how others might treat you. Some of the best advice I received from when Jenny and I attended pre-marital counseling was: when I am most angry with her, then I should serve her. It’s hard to serve someone and harbor hatred and anger at the same time. Our relationship would perpetuate towards bitterness forever if one of us never broke the cycle with an act of care and love. Both of us are undeserving at times (I know I am!), but our love for each other doesn’t hinge on merit. This kind of love is difficult and trying because it goes against our pull from selfishness. Sometimes we get caught up more in what we think we deserve and how we should be treated than making sure our love is going out towards others no matter our history.

This thought leads to the next problem with our faulty version of the Golden Rule. When we think to ourselves, “I’ll treat others with love IF they treat me with love,” not only do we get the order of acting in mercy wrong, but we also distort the context of love. This bad reasoning leads us to showing kindness and mercy mainly to people who like us and are like us. We think, “I’ll be merciful to my friends and family because I get along with them, but that co-worker!? Ha! Yeah, right!” We sometimes miss the thoroughness of Jesus’ teaching when we pick and choose what we want to read and listen to from the Bible. Christ directs us to love our neighbors as ourselves and most of us are fine with that because our neighbors are the people who like us and are like us. But then Jesus, in order to better explain who he infers by neighbor, also mentions this: “But to you who are listening I say: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). Wait, what!? Love my enemies? Our understanding of who deserves our love does not always match God’s teaching here. It is hard enough to love people we like but with whom we are upset. And so, how much more difficult will it be to love people that, not only do we dislike, but hate us too? All the more, how can it be fair to treat others with goodness when they have only ever mistreated us? To be blunt, it’s not fair. But, then again, neither is the love and grace each of us have experienced from Christ after the way we mistreat him. It is my sin that crucified Christ and yet, Christ died for me. After he has done such a wonderful thing, he simply asks me to care and love others. How, then, can I not?

I’ve been listening to a song recently that speaks to this when it sings: “It’s so hard to love the way you want me to.” I’ve had that same thought sometimes when it comes to showing love to other people. It is difficult being kind and generous to people whom, frankly, might not care about me. To show compassion for my enemies, mercy to those who mistreat me, and to be kind to those hate me is beyond what I can handle on my own. I struggle often with being open and loving to others. However, I remember that, “All you need is faith and hope will bring a brighter day; and every time that you love, let it lift someone else up; if someone tries to burn you, give him your hand in turn and pick him up, when he’s all alone…we all need some understanding; we all need a little love.” Growing in this kind of love takes time and practice. So, be kind to yourself as you learn to show kindness to those who might seem to be the least deserving of it.

Check Mae's, "The Fisherman Song," out here!